User Manual for Remus J Lupin
by Luu Alita
Summary: Congats on your purchase of the REMUS unit! Please read the User Manual so you can get the most out of your very own Defence Professor.


Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, and the idea of the Owner's Manual fic belongs to Theresa Green  
  
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Congratulations! You are now the owner of a fully automated REMUS J. LUPIN unit. Following are the instructions to insure that you are able to enjoy the full benefits of having your very own Defense Professor.  
  
Open the packaging crate and unwrap him from his outer robes, no other articles of clothing need to be removed at this time.  
  
Basic Information:  
  
Name: Remus John Lupin, aka Moony.  
  
Place of Manufacture: Harry Potter Corporations, Defense Teachers Division  
  
Type: Wizard  
  
Wand: Rowan and Unicorn Hair, 11 inches  
  
REMUS LUPIN comes with the following accessories  
  
One briefcase One GRINDLYLOW tank One wand One set robes One shirt One pair of slacks One pair of shoes One pair of socks  
  
When you first receive your REMUS he will be dressed in shabby patched robes. He will appear to be thin and slightly underfed. This is TYPICAL, just make sure to give him a few square meals and he will be fine.  
  
Programming:  
  
REMUS is very flexible and will perform a variety of tasks. Set him to something and he will stubbornly work though it.  
  
Teacher: REMUS will teach any student in any subject. Simply ask him for help, he will ensure that you learn the subject matter. He will use practical lessons to make sure you both enjoy the lesson and understand it fully.  
  
Babysitter: Your REMUS J. LUPIN is programmed to enjoy working with children. He will keep them entertained for hours. He will also protect them with his life, so do not worry about the children's safety once put in his care.  
  
Protector: REMUS is an experienced Defense against the Dark Arts Professor. His Over-Protective Mother Hen programming will make sure he defends you against any DEATH EATER units that may come to harm you. He will also act as a personal bodyguard against any potential threats.  
  
Your REMUS unit comes with several modes:  
  
Cheerful/helpful: (default setting)  
  
Mischief  
  
Romantic/slash  
  
Angsty  
  
Dark and Scary  
  
Moony  
  
Relations with other units:  
  
Your REMUS unit does not like to fight. He will get along well with just about anybody, even VILLAN units. (To a point.) However there are some units that will cause REMUS to shift into 'Dark and Scary', do not leave REMUS in the room unsupervised around these units.  
  
PETTIGREW: REMUS unit will attempt to kill PETTIGREW unit. Have a HARRY unit ready if you wish to prevent this. If PETTIGREW unit has Silver Hand Upgrade, keep REMUS unit far away from PETTIEGREW, or damage to your REMUS unit may occur.  
  
SNAPE: Do not leave your REMUS unit in Cheerful or Hostile mode, around a SNAPE unit in Slash mode unattended. Your REMUS unit may become traumatized. Do not leave REMUS unit in Slash mode with a SNAPE unit in Hostile mode. Damage to your REMUS unit may occur. REMUS Unit in Default or Mischief mode will not be able to resist playing pranks on SNAPE unit. SNAPE unit may try to harm REMUS unit if pushed far enough. Come to think, do not leave these two unattended under any circumstances.  
  
Cleaning:  
  
Your REMUS unit is generally neat and tidy. He will keep himself up; however, he will hang onto his clothes, patched and frayed as they are. If you wish to give him new clothes, you will have to slip into the bathroom while he is showering and take the old clothes. Leave new clothes behind, and he will put them on. REMUS is a half-blood, so he will not need to be taught about muggle plumbing.  
  
Energy:  
  
Your REMUS unit will need three square meals a day to operate at peak performance. He will most likely prepare meals for himself and your family without being told. Make sure he gets soup at least twice a week, and give him chocolate as a treat.  
  
Frequently Asked Questions:  
  
Q: I had my REMUS helping around the house, and babysitting my neighbor's kids. Now he seems to be depressed, did I work him too hard? How do I fix this?  
  
A. Give your REMUS unit a good dose of chocolate. It will force him to revert to his default mode. Also, do you have other units for him to interact with? REMUS likes company, and needs someone to talk to.  
  
Q: I caught my REMUS unit talking to my houseplants trying to teach them how to water themselves. Did he somehow go insane?  
  
A. Your REMUS unit is desperate to teach someone something. Ask him to show you how to do something, even if he doesn't know how to do it, he will happily learn how and then teach you.  
  
Q. REMUS has been watching me with a dangerous glint in his eye, should I be worried?  
  
A. Yes. REMUS will automatically go into Mischief mode when he is bored, or has nothing to do. Beware; he may have set some sort of prank. They are usually elaborate and well thought out, be very careful.  
  
Q: My REMUS unit is moping around the house muttering about a 'Katie' (who is she?), and is begging me for soup for breakfast, lunch and dinner!  
  
A: You've been accidentally issued a Limited Edition Thing1 REMUS unit. Please return him and we will send you a standard REMUS.  
  
Q. My Remus has been stuck in angsty/depressed mode. When he saw the SIRIUS unit my neighbor has, he ran in to the house screaming about a ghost. He's out of depressed mode, but he's hiding in the closet.  
  
A. Did you recently upload an Order of the Phoenix upgrade? REMUS' mourning program has automatically activated. This will wear off eventually; just make sure REMUS stays away from the SIRIUS unit. If possible, encourage your neighbor to purchase an Order of the Phoenix upgrade. Your neighbor's unit will disappear, but your unit's sanity will be saved.  
  
Q: My REMUS Unit is getting really pale and seems to be sick. What is wrong with him?  
  
A: You're KIDDING right?  
  
CAUTION!  
  
The REMUS unit is a werewolf; he will need to be safely housed during the full moon. Transformations will cause damage to your REMUS unit. To minimize damage take any of these following steps.  
  
Purchase a SIRIUS unit to stay with REMUS during the full moon. SIRIUS can change into Padfoot mode, and will calm REMUS down. Again, make sure SIRIUS and REMUS are in compatible modes. Otherwise trauma may occur.  
  
Buy a Wolfsbane Potion Upgrade. This will help REMUS keep his mind during the transformation and he will not harm himself.  
  
Troubleshooting:  
  
Problem: REMUS howls at the sky, runs after cars, and is running around on all fours.  
  
Solution: This is the Lycanthropic Lycanthrope programming glitch. This glitch leads REMUS to believe that he is a wolf even when it is not a full moon night. To fix this, lure REMUS to you with chocolate, and then give him a good kick to the head. This should jar him into working properly. 


End file.
